This past Thursday my dear friend had the most beautiful baby boy. I love babies, especially my friends babies, but this baby made me a little teary. I didn't have much words to say, I just wanted to look at him and hold him close. This little guy had been longed for and prayed for, for over 4 years. My friends went through many hard years of infertility. They were told they couldn't have children. They became our adoption buddies as we both we're waiting to be matched with a birth mother of a domestic infant adoption at the same time. Then one day she called me and told me she was pregnant. She was still having a hard time wrapping her mind around it. We both had walked similar roads, so she was worried for my feelings and I remember simply being happy for her. We were excited for their baby - we expected it to be adopted child but just as happy that it was biological.
My friend let me hold her sweet boy for a very long time and I kept wondering when she was going to ask for him back. She looked at her new baby, her longed for so many years, baby, as I held him. So taken with the little guy. She did ask me to give him back to her and I smiled with a knowing I will probably be very much like her when it comes to sharing our baby. You just can't believe it, something you longed for so long is actually here. As I sat on her hospital bed, listening to her delivery story, we talked about birth moms. How much more respect she has for birth moms (and she had a lot before). Going through an experience that was really hard, the worst pain ever and yet she said it was all worth it for her son. Birth moms do it for their children too, just the reward looks different. As honored as I was being able to hold her son for so long, Im going to simply be the biggest mess ever when our birthmother lets me hold our baby.
As we hit 11 months of waiting, I don't feel the waiting getting closer to an end. Its as of we are driving down a tunnel, not knowing what really is on the other side or when the tunnel will come to an end. I don't say that out of a place of hopelessness, just its where we are at. Last night, Jason and I sat and thought of names for our future child, which I love doing. Doesn't make the waiting any less hard, makes me can't wait for our baby to get here. Until, Im grateful for friends who let me hold their babies and care for me along the way.