Two years. Two years of offically waiting for a birth mother to choose us. Two years of waiting for our phones to ring with news.

I remember October 2015, excited but know we'd wait a while. Living life as a waiting family is one of the strangest experiences. Where "expecting" a baby, but no due date. You wonder a lot if there's something more you can do to get picked. Or is there something you should add to your lifebook to be more appealing to birth families. People tell you stories about they're friends, who are also in the adoption process, just got picked. You know they're saying it to encourage you but your left wondering, why them and not us? Not making big life decisions because you could get the call "any day". We've been waiting for our "any day"  for two years.

We have waited for things before. We know what waiting means. Somehow, this has been so different. We busy ourselves with forward moving things, but we're running out of books to read and things to do for the nursey. No matter how busy we are or things we do, we can not get the thought of what we are waiting for out our of minds. As the waiting has grown into years, it just gets harder because the reminder of what we long for is everywhere.

I want to believe in this idea that since we have been waiting this long that it HAS to be any day now. Right? Here we are, way past the "average" wait time. We've done an online profile and opened up to some surrounding states. I'm not sure how to hope, but I sing songs that remind me to. Somedays my heart fully believes, other days I sing these words to remind my doubtful heart (hence the  repetitiveness) that they are true:

I will say unto my God, my strength,

“How is it you have forgotten me?
O how long? O how long?”

Put your trust in God,

I will yet give thanks to him 

Put your trust in God,

I will yet give thanks to him
Put your trust in God,

I will yet give thanks to him

My help, my God

  I spent a day away at a prayer retreat center where I spotted this statue right away. I put off going to pray by it, not because it's Mary and Baby Jesus, but because it's a women with a baby. Not something I thought I'd be seeing in this place. At the end of my time there, I sat right in front of this statue. I called my eyes and prayed for Baby Windsor and our birth mother. I asked God why it is taking so long. And then with my eyes still closed, I felt the sun come out from the clouds and shine it's light on my face. I'm never alone, I'm always being held in the light. 

I spent a day away at a prayer retreat center where I spotted this statue right away. I put off going to pray by it, not because it's Mary and Baby Jesus, but because it's a women with a baby. Not something I thought I'd be seeing in this place. At the end of my time there, I sat right in front of this statue. I called my eyes and prayed for Baby Windsor and our birth mother. I asked God why it is taking so long. And then with my eyes still closed, I felt the sun come out from the clouds and shine it's light on my face. I'm never alone, I'm always being held in the light. 

Posted
Authoralisa windsor