"The journey towards God can have moments of excitement, joy and even rest, but it's unlikely that the journey will ever be easy. Easy is standing still. Easy is doing nothing. Moving forward always requires energy, determination, and letting go - and these are not easy things." (A Labyrinth Year by Richard Kautz)
At the start of our Staff meetings at my new job, one of us leads the rest in a time of meditation. A few weeks ago, this quote was read and it helped me realize something about waiting I could never find the words for. I have shared here before that forward moving things (painting the nursery, getting a crib, etc) helps because most days it feels like nothing is happening. It's been months of people asking us "Is there any update?" and we say "No, just waiting. Any day... for 26 months now." which is a reminder of no forward moment. So when I heard this idea of moving forward taking energy, determination and letting go and the fact that those things are not easy, brought me great comfort. Sometimes, I am just so worn down by the waiting that I do not have the energy to do things that feel forward moving and that's okay.
We're officially in the season of Advent. Advent is SO my season right? Waiting? Oh, I got it. Not to say as I enter into my third Advent season of waiting for "the call" I don't have anything to learn because I always do. I just find tears always on the surface because waiting is a word used a lot this time of year. And what are we all waiting for? A baby. (I know our baby isn't the Son of God but still a baby) On days where I have the energy, I let myself fully feel the weariness and the sorrow I deeply feel all of the time. Waiting with hope and expectant hearts takes a lot of energy. A season of a collective waiting is what we need to stay forward moving. Our community constantly makes it known that they are in the waiting with us, but Advent has that special something to it.
To return to the mediation time that grabbed my heart's attention so much, we spent some time in silence then all took turns lighting a candle. Holding our hearts to the light. Then we closed in a prayer, which I will close this update with: "God of light, God of hope, be with us on this day."