I'm not sure I have ever called myself a reader, as much as I would like to be. However, there are authors who words I would say, have helped me navigate through life. While I have notebooks filled with their quotes, I don't tend to have them come to my mind as much as songs. All that to say, while other words have helped guide my life in many ways, songwriters probably play a larger part. One of them would have to be, Andrew Peterson. Him and Sandra McCracken rival for favorite singer/songwriter in my life.
Recently, I got to attend an Andrew Peterson concert. On the way to the show I told my friends last time I saw Andrew play I had told him I always cry at his shows. He told me he hopes that always happens. Andrew's lyrics have a very powerful effect on me, tends to say what words escape me. I had forgotten to put water proof mascara on the day of the concert but was ready for the tears just the same. Andrew had a full band with him so, I was take back at first at how upbeat and loud the songs were. What kinda Andrew Peterson show is this?! Andrew somehow read my mind and shared with the crowd that sorry if you came for the sad songs, we are in the season of Easter so we're going to sing Easter songs! I was a little annoyed I wasn't getting my sad songs because I want sad songs when I'm sad dang it!
He started to tell the story behind the song "All Shall Be Well" and I love hearing stories behind songs I have been listening to for years. Grateful for an old familiar song, suddenly I teared up. Suprised to find myself emotional at not even one of my favorite Andrew Peterson songs, nor a sad one!
"There's a light in the darkness
There's an end to the night..."
He repeated these lines, as to make sure I heard it. Once to get my attention and the next for my heart.
"And the night can be so long, so long
You think you'll never get up again
But listen now, it's a mighty cloud of
Witnesses around you—they say
"Hold on, just hold on
Hold on to the end
And all shall be well""
I was just in tears and it was so good for me to hear because while it's comforting to have sad songs met me where I am, I need Easter songs to remind myself that there hope. And our cloud of witnesses hope for us on the days the night is just too long.
As another Mother's Day approaches, I have been asked by friends how I'm doing with it. Not great. It's terribly hard to not focus on what I am not that day. However, dear friends this week have told me how great of a community Mom I am to their kids and those words mean more than they know. I dream of the time when Mother’s Day becomes redeemed and I have many more of them with a child than not. However, I hope I never forget these Mother’s Days because there is always someone who will be where I am today. It can be so lonely to be the only nonMother in your friend group. I know I’m not the only one or the last. So maybe, like with my cancer journey, this part of my story can be helpful to others someday too.
Not that Mother’s Day is a church holiday, but it’s intersting that it’s in the church calendar of Easter. This is a season of celebration! Spring is here! All things are new! I’m learning to lean into those Easter songs, which doesn’t take away my saddness, just helps hold joy and sorrow in the same hand.
Baby Windsor got a rocker this week.