Last year I was very fearful of Mother's Day. With it always falling on a Sunday, its partnered with church. Not that I think its bad that churches honor Mothers at all, but those who are quietly hurting and longing to be Mother's is it so very hard. As my friend Rebecca blogged last Mother's Day "My broken body will not allow me to be a mother, and so I sit alone while others are honored for their health and wholeness. It feels so very unfair." Thankfully, I went to church last year because I knew my church community would be a safe place for my hurt. From the stage, we celebrated the Mother's and were so grateful for them. Then, my friend Michael said words that were beyond comforting, reaching out to those who long to be Mothers and how today might be day very hard. That those who were hurting, to know that we were not invisible, that our pain was important and that our mother hearts belonged in this convent family. 

The day before Mother's Day this year, I told Jason how I wasn't feeling as sad as last year. I chalked it up to, even waiting in silence, that we are being proactive towards becoming parents. As I got up on Mother's Day and started getting ready, my phone lit up with messages from thoughtful friends. The first one was from my coworker and friend, Lindsay: "Happy Mother's Day to you! This waiting time is like a pregnancy - you are expectant. And in this waiting you have already been a mama to your baby. You have sacrificed and saved, you have loved and longed for. You are making a home for your little one and I admire you for the strength you have had through it all. You are amazing and the perfect person to have the name "mama". I can't wait until you get to finally hold your baby in your arms and I hope it is SOON. I hope today is special for you even in the waiting. I love you, Alisa!!!!" and the tears just poured. Others texted who told me Happy Mothers Day, almost Mama. Others hoped that this was the last Mother's Day spent without our baby at home. People who recognized this period of waiting as a time of preparing for our child. I can not tell you how huge that is to my heart. Its hard to believe that is actually happening a lot of days. I have no growing belly as proof, but these thoughtful words and hugs, acknowledge that I am expectant. In the end, it was not as easy as I expect, the tears seem to be on the surface most of the day. Thank you seems so simple for what I actually feel, but to each and every one of you who spoke hopeful words and gave hugs to me on Sunday, thank you so very much. 

All of this isnt to say that we should not celebrate Mother's Day, we totally should. Moms do more than any of us will ever know, they should be celebrated. I can not wait till the redemption that I will experience when Im holding my child on Mother's Day. All that Im trying to express in sharing this is to be sensitive to those around you who are hurting. Entering into hard places with people can be difficult, but I promise you that you will only bring hope to them (even if its in form of tears).

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Authoralisa windsor