**Warning: If you have not seen the movie Inside Out yet, do not read this post. Im talking about a very spoiler-y part of the movie. There isn't an update on our adoption (a whole week into waiting) in this post that you'll be missing, just sharing some thoughts from adoption support group. Go watch Inside Out, then come back and read the post.**

Tonight at adoption support group (which is a group made up of adoptees, birth mothers and adoptive mothers) we watched the wonderful movie Inside Out. Jason and I had seen it in theaters and loved it then. I think Inside Out is an important movie for adults and kids a like to see and think about. Feelings/emotions are things that are just hard to process and live in sometimes. I think, in Pixar's way, they explain a lot for simply being a brilliant cartoon. After we watched the film, the group talked about how the story of adoption ties into the Inside Out.

There is a scene, that I cried at both times watching this film where Joy and Bing Bong are in the pit where memories disappear. Only way for Joy to get out of the pit was for her and Bing Bong to ride Bing Bong's wagon, singing a song to power it. At the last second Bing Bong has to get out of the wagon so it reaches to the top of the rim, allowing Joy to return to Reily. Bing Bongs sacrifices himself, to do what is best for Reily.

I started my thought to the group out with "I apologize if this is a terrible analogy, but when Bing Bong sacrifices himself from the picture, with Reily on his mind, and makes sure that Joy can be with her... I think of Bing Bong as the birth mother in my situation. Except I don't want the birth mom to disappear from our child's life. But yeah, sorry, Im comparing birth mothers to Bing Bong."

I waited for a reaction, very nervous if I had offended the birth mothers in the room. Thankful, they chuckled and agreed completely with me.  One even said when she gave up her son, that was the norm, for the birth mothers to disappear. Now, many more domestic adoptions are open because that is what is best for the child. Birth mothers, especially our someday birth mother, are some of the bravest women out there. I still have my fears of the unknown of what a relationship with a birthmother looks like, but these brave women in my group each time we met encourage me more than they'll understand. 

 

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Authoralisa windsor